Wednesday, October 18, 2006
In Which I Wear My He-Harem Hat
In case you don't know the song from the title (and you probably don't,) lyrics. Here, in no particular order, is my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, because I'm bored and need to update the site. And keep in mind, this is today's Celebrity Fantasy Harem, members subject to change at a moment's notice. Also keep in mind I'm willing to fanwank these men into the perfection by creating alternate fantasy universes in which, say, they aren't married or don't smoke. But I'm the good kind of crazy, because I keep that shit to myself.
1. John DiMaggio
Sure, he's Bender, but I remember him first from "Red Johnny and the Round Guy," an extremely short-lived MTV series he did in the mid-90s. So I win or something. The phrase "a million ginger babies" is stuck in my head.
2. Patrick Pentland, circa 1998
Remember, fantasy. No need to operate under the actual rules of space and time. He's the guy in the referee shirt in the video. As I have said before, here or elsewhere, Mr. Pentland formed an attraction template in my adolescent brain, so now I'm attracted to every guy who comes down the pike who looks anything like him. I'd include current-day PP in my harem if he'd do something about the crazy-ass gray hair he's rocking these days. Crazy is fine, gray is fine, but together they move into Doctor Emmett Brown territory, and that's just not sexy.
3. George Duran
Funny, cute, and can cook. What's not to love? For some reason the fact that he's Armenian just adds to the love.
4. Patrick Kerney
This is why I don't tell people that I watch football. Because they would ask who my favorite team is, and I would have to tell them it's the Falcons, and they would ask why, and I'd have to admit that it's because Patrick Kerney is fine and that's the only reason I watch them. And, yes, I do remember this. Fanwanking/alternate universe creation needed there, but he's still fun to look at.
5. Tony Benshoof
I'm at a loss as to why I've included a luge athlete in my Celebrity Fantasy Harem at all, much less a goofy-Minnesota-accent-having, Jimmy-Buffet-listening-to, Home-Depot-working-at luge guy (luger? slider? I don't know the proper term.) He's cute, though; that's enough for me.
There are a lot more members of my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, and I'll get to them sometime after the weird feeling I'm getting from this post- this is the real-ass internet, indexed and all, not the secretive, registration-required OTZ- wears off.
1. John DiMaggio
Sure, he's Bender, but I remember him first from "Red Johnny and the Round Guy," an extremely short-lived MTV series he did in the mid-90s. So I win or something. The phrase "a million ginger babies" is stuck in my head.
2. Patrick Pentland, circa 1998
Remember, fantasy. No need to operate under the actual rules of space and time. He's the guy in the referee shirt in the video. As I have said before, here or elsewhere, Mr. Pentland formed an attraction template in my adolescent brain, so now I'm attracted to every guy who comes down the pike who looks anything like him. I'd include current-day PP in my harem if he'd do something about the crazy-ass gray hair he's rocking these days. Crazy is fine, gray is fine, but together they move into Doctor Emmett Brown territory, and that's just not sexy.
3. George Duran
Funny, cute, and can cook. What's not to love? For some reason the fact that he's Armenian just adds to the love.
4. Patrick Kerney
This is why I don't tell people that I watch football. Because they would ask who my favorite team is, and I would have to tell them it's the Falcons, and they would ask why, and I'd have to admit that it's because Patrick Kerney is fine and that's the only reason I watch them. And, yes, I do remember this. Fanwanking/alternate universe creation needed there, but he's still fun to look at.
5. Tony Benshoof
I'm at a loss as to why I've included a luge athlete in my Celebrity Fantasy Harem at all, much less a goofy-Minnesota-accent-having, Jimmy-Buffet-listening-to, Home-Depot-working-at luge guy (luger? slider? I don't know the proper term.) He's cute, though; that's enough for me.
There are a lot more members of my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, and I'll get to them sometime after the weird feeling I'm getting from this post- this is the real-ass internet, indexed and all, not the secretive, registration-required OTZ- wears off.
