Sunday, October 29, 2006
Celebrity Fantasy Harem, Part 2
Eleven days was enough to get past the shame. Here's part two.
6. Tony Reali
Yeah, I know. And, again, this is why I don't tell people what I know about sports. Because then I'd have to admit I watch ESPN to see the eyecandy. Overly hairgelled, smirky eyecandy. The heart wants what it wants, the ladybits too.
7. Patrick Norton
God damn I miss The Screensavers. I think I might be a little less smart now that I don't have a computer help show to watch.
8. Paul Kariya
Adorable. All polite and smart and shit. And probably totally ripped, too.
9. Ken Marino
He's Superman here. To this day I'll watch pretty much anything Ken's in, no matter how crappy. The second season of "Men Behaving Badly?" Yep. Fucking First Years? Oh yeah.
10. Ike Barinholtz
I like 'em funny. And loud.
I noticed something when I was doing this installment: half the guys on this list (so far) were born, raised, or have lived in New Jersey. And Ken Marino's from Long Island, which is close. WTF, y'all? I'm a born and bred Kansan; I've never even been to New Jersey. Why do I find its celebrity men so hot? The world may never know.
6. Tony Reali
Yeah, I know. And, again, this is why I don't tell people what I know about sports. Because then I'd have to admit I watch ESPN to see the eyecandy. Overly hairgelled, smirky eyecandy. The heart wants what it wants, the ladybits too.
7. Patrick Norton
God damn I miss The Screensavers. I think I might be a little less smart now that I don't have a computer help show to watch.
8. Paul Kariya
Adorable. All polite and smart and shit. And probably totally ripped, too.
9. Ken Marino
He's Superman here. To this day I'll watch pretty much anything Ken's in, no matter how crappy. The second season of "Men Behaving Badly?" Yep. Fucking First Years? Oh yeah.
10. Ike Barinholtz
I like 'em funny. And loud.
I noticed something when I was doing this installment: half the guys on this list (so far) were born, raised, or have lived in New Jersey. And Ken Marino's from Long Island, which is close. WTF, y'all? I'm a born and bred Kansan; I've never even been to New Jersey. Why do I find its celebrity men so hot? The world may never know.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
In Which I Wear My He-Harem Hat
In case you don't know the song from the title (and you probably don't,) lyrics. Here, in no particular order, is my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, because I'm bored and need to update the site. And keep in mind, this is today's Celebrity Fantasy Harem, members subject to change at a moment's notice. Also keep in mind I'm willing to fanwank these men into the perfection by creating alternate fantasy universes in which, say, they aren't married or don't smoke. But I'm the good kind of crazy, because I keep that shit to myself.
1. John DiMaggio
Sure, he's Bender, but I remember him first from "Red Johnny and the Round Guy," an extremely short-lived MTV series he did in the mid-90s. So I win or something. The phrase "a million ginger babies" is stuck in my head.
2. Patrick Pentland, circa 1998
Remember, fantasy. No need to operate under the actual rules of space and time. He's the guy in the referee shirt in the video. As I have said before, here or elsewhere, Mr. Pentland formed an attraction template in my adolescent brain, so now I'm attracted to every guy who comes down the pike who looks anything like him. I'd include current-day PP in my harem if he'd do something about the crazy-ass gray hair he's rocking these days. Crazy is fine, gray is fine, but together they move into Doctor Emmett Brown territory, and that's just not sexy.
3. George Duran
Funny, cute, and can cook. What's not to love? For some reason the fact that he's Armenian just adds to the love.
4. Patrick Kerney
This is why I don't tell people that I watch football. Because they would ask who my favorite team is, and I would have to tell them it's the Falcons, and they would ask why, and I'd have to admit that it's because Patrick Kerney is fine and that's the only reason I watch them. And, yes, I do remember this. Fanwanking/alternate universe creation needed there, but he's still fun to look at.
5. Tony Benshoof
I'm at a loss as to why I've included a luge athlete in my Celebrity Fantasy Harem at all, much less a goofy-Minnesota-accent-having, Jimmy-Buffet-listening-to, Home-Depot-working-at luge guy (luger? slider? I don't know the proper term.) He's cute, though; that's enough for me.
There are a lot more members of my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, and I'll get to them sometime after the weird feeling I'm getting from this post- this is the real-ass internet, indexed and all, not the secretive, registration-required OTZ- wears off.
1. John DiMaggio
Sure, he's Bender, but I remember him first from "Red Johnny and the Round Guy," an extremely short-lived MTV series he did in the mid-90s. So I win or something. The phrase "a million ginger babies" is stuck in my head.
2. Patrick Pentland, circa 1998
Remember, fantasy. No need to operate under the actual rules of space and time. He's the guy in the referee shirt in the video. As I have said before, here or elsewhere, Mr. Pentland formed an attraction template in my adolescent brain, so now I'm attracted to every guy who comes down the pike who looks anything like him. I'd include current-day PP in my harem if he'd do something about the crazy-ass gray hair he's rocking these days. Crazy is fine, gray is fine, but together they move into Doctor Emmett Brown territory, and that's just not sexy.
3. George Duran
Funny, cute, and can cook. What's not to love? For some reason the fact that he's Armenian just adds to the love.
4. Patrick Kerney
This is why I don't tell people that I watch football. Because they would ask who my favorite team is, and I would have to tell them it's the Falcons, and they would ask why, and I'd have to admit that it's because Patrick Kerney is fine and that's the only reason I watch them. And, yes, I do remember this. Fanwanking/alternate universe creation needed there, but he's still fun to look at.
5. Tony Benshoof
I'm at a loss as to why I've included a luge athlete in my Celebrity Fantasy Harem at all, much less a goofy-Minnesota-accent-having, Jimmy-Buffet-listening-to, Home-Depot-working-at luge guy (luger? slider? I don't know the proper term.) He's cute, though; that's enough for me.
There are a lot more members of my Celebrity Fantasy Harem, and I'll get to them sometime after the weird feeling I'm getting from this post- this is the real-ass internet, indexed and all, not the secretive, registration-required OTZ- wears off.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
This Post Is Gonna Be So Freakin' Long.
Seriously. I like to make mix CDs, so I thought it might be fun to find videos for as many songs on a particular mix as I can. I picked Songs Everyone Should Be Familiar With, mostly because I know a lot of the songs have videos. Not all of them do, but I'll think of something for those. Here goes:
1. Motörhead- Ace of Spades
What can I say about this song? It's fuckin' Motörhead, dude!
2. MC5- Kick Out the Jams
Please ignore the opening bit of self-censoring on the band's part. It's supposed to be "Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!" not "brothers and sisters." But you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. There wouldn't be punk without MC5.
3. Ramones- I Wanna Be Sedated
If I'm not mistaken, this one was ripped from an Ed the Sock special on Much Music, so that just makes it that much better.
4. The Pixies- Here Comes You Man
Sweetness, from the "Hard Day's Night" opening chord to the end.
5. Hüsker Dü- Don't Want to Know If You Are Lonely
I do love me some Bob Mould. There wouldn't have been 90s alternative and punk without these guys.
6. Shudder to Think- Red House
I'm sorry, this is the best I could do. Maybe someone will rip it and put it on youtube soon. Hell, maybe I'll do it. As penance, here's the video for "9 Fingers on You."
7. Dead Milkmen- Punk Rock Girl
The only song to reference another artist on the mix.
8. Sloan- Underwhelmed
There were two videos for this song, but I'm forced to post a live performance here. For the record, I prefer the Peppermint version of the video, but the Smeared version of the song. Do buy their greatest hits album; it comes with a DVD of all their videos up to that point. Also buy all their albums, because they're awesome.
9. X- 4th of July
I love John Doe's voice so much. So very much.
10. Bad Religion- 21st Century Digital Boy
This one's a little weird, what with the band swimming around in tv set snow.
11. Velvet Underground- Sweet Jane
This video is from the Live MCMXCIII reunion album, as is the version of the song I used on the mix.
12. Black Sabbath- Paranoid
The greatest heavy metal band ever. Suck it, Led Zeppelin.
13. The B-52s- Rock Lobster
You might also enjoy Peter Griffin's rendition of this song.
14. Men At Work- Overkill
A band that doesn't get their due. I blame "Down Under."
15. XTC- Making Plans for Nigel
I never realized how scary this song was until I saw the video just now. This is going on my Halloween mix this year.
16. The Tragically Hip- Nautical Disaster
I know there's a video for this song, because I saw it once, like ten years ago. I don't think I was all that impressed with it, though.
17. Mojo Nixon-Elvis Is Everywhere
You'll need to click on the correct video, and it's a RealPlayer file, but still. Most quotable song on the list. Elvis needs boats!
18. Replacements- Bastards of Young
I'm glad I put this song on the mix, because the video is so worth seeing. The anti-video video.
19. Dead Kennedys- California Über Alles
We need somebody making music like that now. They had Dead Kennedys in the 80s, we had Rage Against the Machine in the 90s. Who will be pinko punk role models for today's teens? Won't someone please think of the children?
20. They Might Be Giants- Don't Let's Start
When I was about 9, my Gifted teacher, Mrs. Buller, told me that I should check out this group called They Might Be Giants. She said they were really good and that I would like them. It took me about seven or eight years to take her advice, but she was right.
21. Radiohead- Paranoid Android
The uncensored version shown pretty much everywhere but the US. According to MTV, severed cartoon limbs are okay, but bare cartoon breasts aren't. Thanks MTV, that makes a lot of sense. Jiggling, bikini-clad breasts in, like, every show on the network and the few videos they show are okay, but don't you dare show a nipple. Then it's obscene.
So those are the songs with which everyone needs to be familiar. Enjoy the fruits of my labor.
1. Motörhead- Ace of Spades
What can I say about this song? It's fuckin' Motörhead, dude!
2. MC5- Kick Out the Jams
Please ignore the opening bit of self-censoring on the band's part. It's supposed to be "Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!" not "brothers and sisters." But you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. There wouldn't be punk without MC5.
3. Ramones- I Wanna Be Sedated
If I'm not mistaken, this one was ripped from an Ed the Sock special on Much Music, so that just makes it that much better.
4. The Pixies- Here Comes You Man
Sweetness, from the "Hard Day's Night" opening chord to the end.
5. Hüsker Dü- Don't Want to Know If You Are Lonely
I do love me some Bob Mould. There wouldn't have been 90s alternative and punk without these guys.
6. Shudder to Think- Red House
I'm sorry, this is the best I could do. Maybe someone will rip it and put it on youtube soon. Hell, maybe I'll do it. As penance, here's the video for "9 Fingers on You."
7. Dead Milkmen- Punk Rock Girl
The only song to reference another artist on the mix.
8. Sloan- Underwhelmed
There were two videos for this song, but I'm forced to post a live performance here. For the record, I prefer the Peppermint version of the video, but the Smeared version of the song. Do buy their greatest hits album; it comes with a DVD of all their videos up to that point. Also buy all their albums, because they're awesome.
9. X- 4th of July
I love John Doe's voice so much. So very much.
10. Bad Religion- 21st Century Digital Boy
This one's a little weird, what with the band swimming around in tv set snow.
11. Velvet Underground- Sweet Jane
This video is from the Live MCMXCIII reunion album, as is the version of the song I used on the mix.
12. Black Sabbath- Paranoid
The greatest heavy metal band ever. Suck it, Led Zeppelin.
13. The B-52s- Rock Lobster
You might also enjoy Peter Griffin's rendition of this song.
14. Men At Work- Overkill
A band that doesn't get their due. I blame "Down Under."
15. XTC- Making Plans for Nigel
I never realized how scary this song was until I saw the video just now. This is going on my Halloween mix this year.
16. The Tragically Hip- Nautical Disaster
I know there's a video for this song, because I saw it once, like ten years ago. I don't think I was all that impressed with it, though.
17. Mojo Nixon-Elvis Is Everywhere
You'll need to click on the correct video, and it's a RealPlayer file, but still. Most quotable song on the list. Elvis needs boats!
18. Replacements- Bastards of Young
I'm glad I put this song on the mix, because the video is so worth seeing. The anti-video video.
19. Dead Kennedys- California Über Alles
We need somebody making music like that now. They had Dead Kennedys in the 80s, we had Rage Against the Machine in the 90s. Who will be pinko punk role models for today's teens? Won't someone please think of the children?
20. They Might Be Giants- Don't Let's Start
When I was about 9, my Gifted teacher, Mrs. Buller, told me that I should check out this group called They Might Be Giants. She said they were really good and that I would like them. It took me about seven or eight years to take her advice, but she was right.
21. Radiohead- Paranoid Android
The uncensored version shown pretty much everywhere but the US. According to MTV, severed cartoon limbs are okay, but bare cartoon breasts aren't. Thanks MTV, that makes a lot of sense. Jiggling, bikini-clad breasts in, like, every show on the network and the few videos they show are okay, but don't you dare show a nipple. Then it's obscene.
So those are the songs with which everyone needs to be familiar. Enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Some Sketchy Shit Here...
Sketch comedy! I don't know how I would've gotten through my moody teenage years without it. Here's some stuff from then, from before that, and even some newer stuff.
1. The State-B-I-L-L-Y needs a D-O-C-T-O-R
I could probably do a whole post with clips from The State, but I picked this one because I can still recite it along with the characters.
2. Monty Python- Dead Parrot Sketch
Oh come on. You knew it was coming. He's pining for the fjords!
3. Kids in the Hall- Sizzler Sisters Lounge Singers
"I work in colorization, but I don't agree with it."
4. Exit 57- Bottomless Lake
Yes, that's Stephen Colbert, back in the day.
5. The Vacant Lot- Blinded by the Light
I love this sketch so much that it's made me like the song. Of course, I always sing the "alternate" lyrics during the chorus.
6. MadTV- Excuses Excuses Excuses Excuses 98
Just so badly-done-on-purpose. Love it.
Six is enough for now, right?
1. The State-B-I-L-L-Y needs a D-O-C-T-O-R
I could probably do a whole post with clips from The State, but I picked this one because I can still recite it along with the characters.
2. Monty Python- Dead Parrot Sketch
Oh come on. You knew it was coming. He's pining for the fjords!
3. Kids in the Hall- Sizzler Sisters Lounge Singers
"I work in colorization, but I don't agree with it."
4. Exit 57- Bottomless Lake
Yes, that's Stephen Colbert, back in the day.
5. The Vacant Lot- Blinded by the Light
I love this sketch so much that it's made me like the song. Of course, I always sing the "alternate" lyrics during the chorus.
6. MadTV- Excuses Excuses Excuses Excuses 98
Just so badly-done-on-purpose. Love it.
Six is enough for now, right?
